Letting Go
by Kharma
Summary: Somebody has died


Disclaimer : They're not mine, okay.  I wish they were.

Notes will be at the end.

LETTING GO

He was dead.  Sam knew that in her head, it was just her heart that was having trouble accepting it.  It had been six months since he died and she still walked into work every day and expected him to be there, sitting at his desk and smiling at her.

It had been hard on everybody when he died, especially considering how it happened.  After everything they had been through, all the near misses and close calls it was finally a burst appendix that had killed him.  It just seemed wrong somehow.

The other members of the SGC had taken it hard as well.  Dying in action was a part of everyday life in the military.  It was accepted, expected even.  Nobody was supposed to die from something so simple as appendicitis.

Janet, naturally, blamed herself.  When they had first bought him back through the Stargate, she had refused to admit that there was nothing she could do to save him.  She had worked on him for two hours.  They had been the longest two hours that Sam had ever known, but in the end even Janet had to admit that she had failed and then she broke down and cried, which started Sam crying as well.  The remaining members of SG1 and General Hammond looked at each other and then left the room.  They knew that the two women would be able to comfort each other better than they could ever hope to.

The atmosphere on base had been very strange those first few days after he had died.  Every time Sam or one of the other team members had gone into a room where people were enjoying themselves, everything would go quiet.  It was if everybody else felt guilty for having fun when other people were in so much pain.  Things were a little better after the funeral; people had gradually started treating them normally again.  It had taken time though, and there were still moments when Sam could tell that people had been talking about him just before she entered a room.  She didn't mind talking about him now.  Now the memories bought smiles and laughter more often than tears.

The hardest part for all of them had been clearing out his office.  General Hammond had offered to get somebody else to do it, but SG1 had insisted.  He was a member of their team; therefore it was their responsibility. There had been a few small bequests in his will, mostly to Sam and the other team members but there had also been something for Janet, Cassie and General Hammond.  The rest of his stuff was to be disposed of as they saw fit and most of it went to anybody on the base that wanted something to remember him by.  They had never guessed how popular he actually was, Sam doubted if he even knew how many people had respected and admired him.

If there was one thing that Sam regretted after he died, it was that she had never told him how much he meant to her, how much she had loved him.  He had frequently been as irritating as hell, getting them into all sorts of trouble but he had usually been the one that got them out of it as well.  With his endearing smile and innocent look, he had known that she would never have been able to stay mad at him for long.  He was right, but those first months after he died she had been furious with him for leaving them, for leaving her.  She thought she was never going to be able to forgive him for that, but she had gradually come to realise that anger at the deceased was a normal part of the grieving process.  A process she had to go through before she could accept that he was gone.

She didn't like to think of him as being dead; instead she preferred to think of him as just gone away somewhere.  It had made the pain of knowing that she wouldn't be seeing him every day easier to deal with.  She knew that one day they would all be together again and that bought her enough comfort that she could get on with life.

Sam smiled as she thought of how much life had changed in the last six months.  They had replaced him on the team and it hadn't been easy at first, but gradually they had come to terms with each other.  There were still days when she would forget he wasn't there and she would turn to speak to him, but instead of making her cry those moments made her smile.  She knew he would find it funny that she was trying to talk to somebody who was no longer there.  Janet had been a mess those first few weeks, but having Cassie helped and she had eventually come through it okay.  Like Sam, she still had bad days but they were getting fewer and easier to deal with.

The biggest change had been in her life, though.  She had fallen in love and now she was just a few minutes away from getting married.  It was as much a surprise to her as it had was to everybody else.  She had never expected to get married.  Until that point her life had been devoted to the military, but things changed.  She hadn't thought she would be able to work at the SGC without him there so she had quit the military, But General Hammond had insisted that she continue working for the SGC in a civilian capacity.  She hadn't wanted to at first, but he had finally persuaded her with the help of the rest of SG1.

Sam looked at her watch and smiled.  It was almost time for her to leave.  It didn't seem right somehow, getting married without him but she knew that he would be there in spirit.  She leant forward to light the candle she kept burning in his memory and smiled.  She hoped he would be happy that two of his best friends were getting married.

She had just straightened up when there was a knock on her door.

"It's open."

Janet came into the room and stopped to look at Sam in her wedding dress.  She smiled.  "You look so beautiful I might start crying."

Sam hugged her friend.  "Please don't," she whispered.  "There's been enough tears around here to last a lifetime.  Today is a new beginning, only laughter from now on.  Got it?"

Janet nodded.  "Got it.  So, you ready to go?  You've kept the poor man waiting long enough."

Sam laughed.  "I'm finally ready.  Let's go."

They turned to leave the room when Janet remembered something.  "Oh, I've got something for you from Cassie."  She handed Sam a black box.

Sam was surprised.  "What is it?"

Janet just smiled.  "Open it and see."

Sam gasped when she saw the beautiful pearl necklace inside the box.  She couldn't believe that Cassie was trusting her with them.  They were her most treasured possession.

"I can't wear these.  He left his mother pearls to her, not me."

Janet smiled as she fastened them around Sam's neck.  "She wants you to wear them.  She says it's so he'll be a part of the day even though he's not here."

Sam was trying not to cry as she looked at the photo of the man who had enriched so many people's lives.  They stood there in silence for a minute, each lost in their own thoughts.

The door suddenly opened and General Hammond came in.  "Come on, you two.  He's waiting."

"We're ready now, Sir."

General Hammond took their arms and started to lead them from the room.  "Good.  Sam, your fathers waiting outside for you.  Janet, may I escort you."

Janet giggled as he led her to her seat in the base chapel where the ceremony was going to take place.

Sam took a deep breath as her father led her down the aisle to the man waiting for her.

As they said their vows, they both looked at the photo set into the middle of one of the flower displays.  In honour of his memory, they had decided to get married on his birthday.  She hoped he wouldn't mind.

"Please be happy for us," Sam thought as she kissed her new husband for the first time.  "I'll always love you, but it's time for all of us to move on and get on with our lives."

Sam could have sworn she smelt his aftershave and felt a kiss on her cheek just as the Chaplain announced to the congregation.  "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Mr. And Mrs. Jackson."

Amid all the clapping and congratulations that filled the air, Daniel distinctly heard a voice whisper in his ear.  "You had better make her happy, Danny-boy.  If you don't, I'll come back and make your life miserable."

Daniel smiled, even from the grave Colonel Jack O'Neill was watching over his team.

The End.

Notes: Killing Jack was mean of me, I know.  Believe me it didn't start out that way.  It was supposed to be Daniel that died and Jack that Sam married at the end, but it somehow got twisted around and ended up like this.  I don't know about you, but I kind of like it.

Review: Please, please, please.  I'll beg if I have to.  


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